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Manisha Bhatia
Manisha Bhatia is the author of book, When My Father Cried, a romantic fiction novel released on 4th September by Story Mirror at Oxford Bookstore :)
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WHERE WAS I WRONG?


Sometimes you are so deeply hurt that no matter what happens around you and no matter the major responsibilities you are shouldering at that point of time in life you just do not care. You are so high on emotions that you are ready to toss anything and everything in life to set things right but all you can do is nothing and have never felt so helpless. You may have realized that no matter what plans you make, what dreams you follow or what if you are a very successful and filthy rich person on earth you have to bow your feet in front of powers of someone who is above all our ALMIGHTY.
You are not in your control because your SOUL is hurt. You are so shaken by the unexpected betrayals of LIFE that nothing just nothing in this world can calm you down at that point of time. No hugs, no condolences, no empathy works out in your favour at that time because you are in the control of events and emotions. I don’t know that who was the scholar who once said that TIME is the biggest healer and I thoroughly believe that person was absolutely right, when nothing heals leave it on time and let the time heal.
No one in this world can ever answer that why THIS happened with you. You interrogate yourself thousand times and try to find your mistakes even though intentionally you are never and nowhere wrong. You try to push yourself hard to forget those events or moments or the person related to those events. But, are you successful? No. You are not. More you push yourself to be out of something you are actually pulling yourself deeper into the emotions and pain related to that event and you actually end up hurting yourself more.
You get sage advices and sympathies from the plethora of relatives and allies but I feel none of them can ever do well to your situation because they all will leave to their respective places and on their respective work after few hours or days. Because they all understand your pain and problem but they do not feel it with the similarly intensity your soul is hurt.
So who is left?  Have you ever pondered over this?

There is an old adage by Sant Kabirdas of Indian origin- “ Jaa Tan Laage Vo Hi Jaane aur Naa Jaane Koi”.  Meaning- “Only the body or soul which is hurt knows and feels and no one else can”.
Everyone can cry for you for sometime or they can sympathize or empathize or in addition, they can lend you some help but they can never do anything more than this for you and if they see you are continuously grieving even they will turn their back to YOU.
I believe it is time, you, and someone who is forever with you whether anyone is there with you or not. GOD! Did you ever realize you are getting closer to God and your belief is getting much stronger because those events have drawn you closer to HIM. 
Again I would like to mention a wise saying by Sant Kabirdas- “ Rahiman nij man ki vyaatha man hi raakhe goye, sun aithlahein log sab baant naa leve koi”
Meaning- You should keep your grieves hidden in the corner of your heart and should not portray in front of everyone because this world is very mean they will not share it rather they will make fun of your grieves”
Yes I believe in this so much because as my moments and events of happiness are mine so are my moments of pain and events of failure. Both are equally my treasure. They are just not to be shared with anyone and everyone. They are very special to me.
With the passing of time HE gives you a real insight of all the happenings in life and how each and every small event was so well planned by him and related to each other to mould your life and take out best in you. You need to take in charge of your emotions and nurture your pain yourself to give your life the new direction...
As an old adage says- “ Aag mein tap ke hi sona kundan banta hai” which means- “ When gold is continuously smouldered in fire then only it turns into precious treasure”.
More you dwell in HIM more he will develop and discover the wisdom in you and your growth will be so profound that the worldly charms will not be able to touch its height easily.
Needless to mention a saying by Shri Shri Bhagwat Geeta- “Whatever happens is for good”. This line has a very deep meaning as it is related very deeply to our lives. Whatever happens is for good yes and it includes all the good and bad events because behind every pain there is a lot of gain. All you need is to explore.
I can sit and write on this for whole night but I would like to continue about this in the next part of my article but before I end I would like to share something small from my personal experience.
Born and brought up under the watchful and always careful eyes of my parents, they have inculcated great vales in me and I always take pride and wear them on my sleeves. My mother always listens to devotional songs early morning and as I too get up for my daily chores, I am grateful to her that my day also starts by taking HIS name. 
That day a line stuck with me and it was as follow: “My child! Do not worry so much about your worries because I am more worried than you. O! How beautiful was that and now these golden words stays with me forever as I know someone is more worried than me about my problems.
With each passing day my love for him is increasing only because I know he is the only TRUTH is this world which is devoid of all logical reasoning and questioning.  

The dark night
Scars on soul
Were shining bright
Clueless and dismayed
 By LIFE’s
Impetuous betrayal
My feet carried
To the cathedral
 On next turn
In the profound
Graceful silence
I cried my heart out
Wounds were green
I was blue
In our fight
I continually
Interrogated YOU
Every path I traversed
My eyes were set
On the destination
I came across turns
Look at my love
For you GOD
Instead to blame
I always asked YOU
Where was I wrong?

WHEN I WAS LOST IN ME...

@Copyright 2011-Manisha Bhatia

19 comments:

Rahul Bhatia said...

So true Manisha, lot of people like to share the happy moments but none of miserable one! Good quotes from Kabir and Bhagvad Gita!

Rimly said...

I so totally agree with you. Only the person who suffers can know how much pain he or she is going through, others can only sympathize and empathize. But in all this god always stands by you. I know this from experience. All we got to do have that faith and things will finally turn out alright. Besides in life every experience has a lesson to teach. Loved the way your words flowed from you heart Manisha.

http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2012/01/your-voice.html

Autumn Eliza said...

I fully agree with you, dear Manisha! My mom, has instilled Love for Him in me by her own example and I really feel that He looks after me.

Alpana Jaiswal said...

Well written Manisha..all we can do is to wait for a better world to emerge based on faith and understanding.Your life becomes what you believe.Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime, therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful makes complete sense in any immediate context of history, therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone, therefore, we are saved by love.Seeds of faith are always within us, sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.

Mani said...

Rahul- Extremely thankful to u fr ur graceful presence alwys..

Love
Mani

Mani said...

Rimly -Thnku so much rim, yes from the depth n maturity of ur writing I lwys felt so..

Love
MAni

Mani said...

@Ely- Yea moms r right..thnku ely.

Love
MAni

Mani said...

Alpana- Loved d way u explained shows how much you seen everything closely in ur life.

God Bless U!!

love
Mani

Andy said...

Hello Mani.
It is because of imperfection that we experience difficulties & sadness in today's times. God is happy when we lay our burdens on his shoulders because He alone knows what is truly in our hearts & it is He who ultimately guides our footsteps in this life, which for many, is sometimes filled with more sadness than happiness.

Everyone made some good points here, but I especially liked what Alpana said.

Wonderful, thought-provoking write from you.
Thanks for sharing.

{This Moment}...my first!

FherYmas said...

Oh dear God, remind me to read this beautiful article again "where I was wrong"...in times that I feel so alone and empty.
This post is very rich in treasure that one can not collect all...in one sitting.

Leah Griffith said...

Mani, you are so right. God is the only soul who really knows us and is 100% invested in our happiness and progress. It's nice to know that we carry God with us, and that we don't have to go looking for him.
Your poem was beautiful... the journey of pain and seeking...
XOXO

Tameka said...

Mani this touched my soul today. I have always found it interesting that people can turn away from you in your time of sadness when you need them the most. I have learned that often when they see your pain it is reflected back to them so brightly that it puts them in touch with their own grief. People who can't comfort most often were not comforted themselves.

The quotes you selected were lovely. I will be saving them for future reflection. Hugs dear writer...

http://lyricfire.typepad.com/lyric-fire/2012/01/lyric-fire-soul-diving-partial-poempart-confession.html

Mani said...

Andy- Thankyou so much for sharing your beautiful thoughts as well..

Love
Mani

Mani said...

Fher- Thanku fher..yea everyone is related somewhere..

Love
Mani

Mani said...

Leah-Truly n wisely said...

God Bless!!

Love
Mani

Mani said...

Tam- Yupp u r right, this post is essence of lessons from life..

Love
Mani

ANSHUL GAUTAM said...

A thought provoking write up. :)
Whatever be the situation, we are depended on HIM. The way you have presented this essence here is truely awesome. :)

sheril benedict said...

Well written mani but to be frank i must say one thing ..no one ll feel the actual pain as one experienced .so till the end of life no relations, no money nothing will come with you .Everyone ll seek god when they face any problem so that is human .But at one stage we will know we gonna end-up in sad state but why god allows that situation to us ??

Mani said...

@Anshul- ThanQ anshul.

Love
Mani

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