WHERE WAS I WRONG?

Sometimes you are so deeply hurt that no matter what happens around you and no matter the major responsibilities you are shouldering at that point of time in life you just do not care. You are so high on emotions that you are ready to toss anything and everything in life to set things right but all you can do is nothing and have never felt so helpless. You may have realized that no matter what plans you make, what dreams you follow or what if you are a very successful and filthy rich person on earth you have to bow your feet in front of powers of someone who is above all our ALMIGHTY.

You are not in your control because your SOUL is hurt. You are so shaken by the unexpected betrayals of LIFE that nothing just nothing in this world can calm you down at that point of time. No hugs, no condolences, no empathy works out in your favour at that time because you are in the control of events and emotions. I don’t know that who was the scholar who once said that TIME is the biggest healer and I thoroughly believe that person was absolutely right, when nothing heals leave it on time and let the time heal.

No one in this world can ever answer that why THIS happened with you. You interrogate yourself thousand times and try to find your mistakes even though intentionally you are never and nowhere wrong. You try to push yourself hard to forget those events or moments or the person related to those events. But, are you successful? No. You are not. More you push yourself to be out of something you are actually pulling yourself deeper into the emotions and pain related to that event and you actually end up hurting yourself more.

You get sage advices and sympathies from the plethora of relatives and allies but I feel none of them can ever do well to your situation because they all will leave to their respective places and on their respective work after few hours or days. Because they all understand your pain and problem but they do not feel it with the similarly intensity your soul is hurt.

So who is left? Have you ever pondered over this?

There is an old adage by Sant Kabirdas of Indian origin- “ Jaa Tan Laage Vo Hi Jaane aur Naa Jaane Koi”. Meaning- “Only the body or soul which is hurt knows and feels and no one else can”.

Everyone can cry for you for sometime or they can sympathize or empathize or in addition, they can lend you some help but they can never do anything more than this for you and if they see you are continuously grieving even they will turn their back to YOU.

I believe it is time, you, and someone who is forever with you whether anyone is there with you or not. GOD! Did you ever realize you are getting closer to God and your belief is getting much stronger because those events have drawn you closer to HIM.

Again I would like to mention a wise saying by Sant Kabirdas- “ Rahiman nij man ki vyaatha man hi raakhe goye, sun aithlahein log sab baant naa leve koi”

Meaning-“ You should keep your grieves hidden in the corner of your heart and should not portray in front of everyone because this world is very mean they will not share it rather they will make fun of your grieves”

Yes I believe in this so much because as my moments and events of happiness are mine so are my moments of pain and events of failure. Both are equally my treasure. They are just not to be shared with anyone and everyone. They are very special to me.

With the passing of time HE gives you a real insight of all the happenings in life and how each and every small event was so well planned by him and related to each other to mould your life and take out best in you. You need to take in charge of your emotions and nurture your pain yourself to give your life the new direction...

As an old adage says- “ Aag mein tap ke hi sona kundan banta hai” which means- “ When gold is continuously smouldered in fire then only it turns into precious treasure”.

More you dwell in HIM more he will develop and discover the wisdom in you and your growth will be so profound that the worldly charms will not be able to touch its height easily.

Needless to mention a saying by Shri Shri Bhagwat Geeta- “Whatever happens is for good”. This line has a very deep meaning as it is related very deeply to our lives. Whatever happens is for good yes and it includes all the good and bad events because behind every pain there is a lot of gain. All you need is to explore.

I can sit and write on this for whole night but I would like to continue about this in the next part of my article but before I end I would like to share something small from my personal experience.

Born and brought up under the watchful and always careful eyes of my parents, they have inculcated great vales in me and I always take pride and wear them on my sleeves. My mother always listens to devotional songs early morning and as I too get up for my daily chores, I am grateful to her that my day also starts by taking HIS name.

That day a line stuck with me and it was as follow: “My child! Do not worry so much about your worries because I am more worried than you. O! How beautiful was that and now these golden words stays with me forever as I know someone is more worried than me about my problems.

With each passing day my love for him is increasing only because I know he is the only TRUTH is this world which is devoid of all logical reasoning and questioning.

The dark night

Scars on soul

Were shining bright

Clueless and dismayed

By LIFE’s

Impetuous betrayal

My feet carried

To the cathedral

On next turn

In the profound

Graceful silence

I cried my heart out

Wounds were green

I was blue

In our fight

I continually

Interrogated YOU

Every path I traversed

My eyes were set

On the destination

I came across turns