I'm back...Have I ever left?

It’s been months...true...an year...is it? Did I ever leave writing? All my well-wishers...dear folks...who have been playing some or the other role in our creative association...have turned up to discern whether there anything wrong with me? I know few were just curious...few missed it...few concerned...and others few...didn’t care...and why they should? They are extremely preoccupied with zillion things about their life...they aren’t obliged...to me or my writing...

But I am obliged to few who have always turned up at regular intervals saying...Mani you should be back...no you can’t just vanish like this...after being so regular and enchanting us with your creative presence...and I always just said...Yes I shall...my hands are full at present. I’m just trying to keep up with regular priorities... & as their regular concerned voices left...they left me brooding over...and then a regular tussle between my mind& heart used to start...I couldn’t myself understand...just because I am less visible have I left writing? It never disturbed me...

The thought only amused me...because...”Even if I leave writing...it never leaves me...so strong is the writing’s love for me...so strong is the magnetic power...the flow of torrent of my emotions...it never left me...yes we spoke to each other very less in past these months. But our relation doesn’t need any regular communiqué...we are silently together...just as close...as my folks find us apart...its writing v/s me...me v/s writing...it’s just the same from every end & from every start...I never can define it...it doesn’t possess any definition. I can only try to put into words, the few shades of our relation to make it plausible...for creativity cannot be understood...it can only be felt...& more you feel...more you actually understand...more you believe...sometimes you get amused...sometimes amazed...

 Our relation possesses a glint of divinity. As it bestows me with an opportunity to dive deep within me...and discover myself in a way that no relation ever has discovered me...the power of writing...the magic of writing...how can such a magnetic & magical power ever leave me. I am blessed by this divine bequeath. I believe the less connection between my fingers & thoughts in past these months will only magnify my writing whenever again I will sit down to pen down my thoughts in a concrete way... The conserved energy of my emotions will surely weave masterpieces...Yes I believe...because belief starts with you.

I should “pause” here...no not stop...for I cannot...I can never...writing is an ocean...it can never have any start or end...writers only pause...there is no end to their creativity...it never saturates...just like our magical & beautiful NATURE...it’s a natural force...While I was reading Midnight's Children...I realized, in his book the great Salman Rushdie has impeccably opened the doors of his emotions, veiled in the form of words, tightly closed since childhood...while you read...you will realize the power of his emotions...he says at a point in his book..."I must finish what I've started, even if, inevitably, what I finish turns out not to be what I began..." Similar is writing...like a free flow of water...and takes it shapes with the flow...you can never give it a shape without distorting its natural form...you never plan...

I guess....I am still in the bad habit of plonking three dots as I write...I myself tried to understand this that why I do this?...No one ever questioned me... but I am sure few who sincerely pay heed to my average writing must have thought about this at least once...I am sure few writers in and around my circle would have found it strange as well or may be not...I’m not too sure. Only they can tell...and while I will post this piece of my heart...I wish they turn up to tell me...something about me...It will be strange...it will be fun...& it will be amusing as well to know about yourself from people who inspire and admire you...for whose presence I will always be obliged to throughout my life...

All I could understand from this natural habit of plonking three dots after every line...or half a line rather...is because even if I ink down an emotion...pouring down in form of a thought...practically on paper...no I don’t use pen while I pour down my emotions in form of practical thoughts...I type...my laptop is as close to me as any of my creative paraphernalia...just as my writing...I have mentioned about this in my writing before too...so simple it is...I exhibit a bit of me whenever I sit down with my laptop to pour down my thoughts...yes I even had several nightmares of losing it...my writing being lost...& I am suddenly so deprived...so empty... I believe it is very natural to an artist? Isn’t it? And writing is the most natural form of connecting you with yourself...so wherever I exhibit a bit of me so strongly...I naturally get connected to it...I fall in love with it... All I'm unsure of the fact currently...whether its slowly leading me into addiction?....

 

Mani....When I Was Lost In Me...

 
I shall be back...a few daily chores need my attention...although its so difficult to leave your self repeatedly and return back to an outside world....O! yes...just ignore my silly mistakes in writing...while I'm writing...I just dont pay any heed to them...my fingers are in motion & so is my heart....