When My father Cried BOOK VIDEO :)

I'm back...Have I ever left?

It’s been months...true...an year...is it? Did I ever leave writing? All my well-wishers...dear folks...who have been playing some or the other role in our creative association...have turned up to discern whether there anything wrong with me? I know few were just curious...few missed it...few concerned...and others few...didn’t care...and why they should? They are extremely preoccupied with zillion things about their life...they aren’t obliged...to me or my writing...

But I am obliged to few who have always turned up at regular intervals saying...Mani you should be back...no you can’t just vanish like this...after being so regular and enchanting us with your creative presence...and I always just said...Yes I shall...my hands are full at present. I’m just trying to keep up with regular priorities... & as their regular concerned voices left...they left me brooding over...and then a regular tussle between my mind& heart used to start...I couldn’t myself understand...just because I am less visible have I left writing? It never disturbed me...

The thought only amused me...because...”Even if I leave writing...it never leaves me...so strong is the writing’s love for me...so strong is the magnetic power...the flow of torrent of my emotions...it never left me...yes we spoke to each other very less in past these months. But our relation doesn’t need any regular communiqué...we are silently together...just as close...as my folks find us apart...its writing v/s me...me v/s writing...it’s just the same from every end & from every start...I never can define it...it doesn’t possess any definition. I can only try to put into words, the few shades of our relation to make it plausible...for creativity cannot be understood...it can only be felt...& more you feel...more you actually understand...more you believe...sometimes you get amused...sometimes amazed...

 Our relation possesses a glint of divinity. As it bestows me with an opportunity to dive deep within me...and discover myself in a way that no relation ever has discovered me...the power of writing...the magic of writing...how can such a magnetic & magical power ever leave me. I am blessed by this divine bequeath. I believe the less connection between my fingers & thoughts in past these months will only magnify my writing whenever again I will sit down to pen down my thoughts in a concrete way... The conserved energy of my emotions will surely weave masterpieces...Yes I believe...because belief starts with you.

I should “pause” here...no not stop...for I cannot...I can never...writing is an ocean...it can never have any start or end...writers only pause...there is no end to their creativity...it never saturates...just like our magical & beautiful NATURE...it’s a natural force...While I was reading Midnight's Children...I realized, in his book the great Salman Rushdie has impeccably opened the doors of his emotions, veiled in the form of words, tightly closed since childhood...while you read...you will realize the power of his emotions...he says at a point in his book..."I must finish what I've started, even if, inevitably, what I finish turns out not to be what I began..." Similar is writing...like a free flow of water...and takes it shapes with the flow...you can never give it a shape without distorting its natural form...you never plan...

I guess....I am still in the bad habit of plonking three dots as I write...I myself tried to understand this that why I do this?...No one ever questioned me... but I am sure few who sincerely pay heed to my average writing must have thought about this at least once...I am sure few writers in and around my circle would have found it strange as well or may be not...I’m not too sure. Only they can tell...and while I will post this piece of my heart...I wish they turn up to tell me...something about me...It will be strange...it will be fun...& it will be amusing as well to know about yourself from people who inspire and admire you...for whose presence I will always be obliged to throughout my life...

All I could understand from this natural habit of plonking three dots after every line...or half a line rather...is because even if I ink down an emotion...pouring down in form of a thought...practically on paper...no I don’t use pen while I pour down my emotions in form of practical thoughts...I type...my laptop is as close to me as any of my creative paraphernalia...just as my writing...I have mentioned about this in my writing before too...so simple it is...I exhibit a bit of me whenever I sit down with my laptop to pour down my thoughts...yes I even had several nightmares of losing it...my writing being lost...& I am suddenly so deprived...so empty... I believe it is very natural to an artist? Isn’t it? And writing is the most natural form of connecting you with yourself...so wherever I exhibit a bit of me so strongly...I naturally get connected to it...I fall in love with it... All I'm unsure of the fact currently...whether its slowly leading me into addiction?....

 

Mani....When I Was Lost In Me...

 
I shall be back...a few daily chores need my attention...although its so difficult to leave your self repeatedly and return back to an outside world....O! yes...just ignore my silly mistakes in writing...while I'm writing...I just dont pay any heed to them...my fingers are in motion & so is my heart....

THANK GOD FOR SAFETY KART!

I am very thankful to my dear friends Sulekha Rawat & Kriti Mukherjee for inviting me at the Social Potpourri's event in association with Safety Kart where not only I got to meet and greet my aquanitances, made a few new, and the best part I learnt about some awesome products through Mr. Vikas Bagaria CEO, Safety Kart and his team. The event was a special gift on the Women's Day :)

Seeing the changing scenarios, safety products have become the need of the hour. Vikas very amicably introduced us through the Safety products such as Knockout CHAMP pepper Spray & Cobra Magnum are ideal products against the hooligans mushroomed all over the world. You can very easily carry them with you in your pocket and purse.

The Barton Door Block is something every school and home with small children should have installed. It prevents the little fingers from being hurt when the door slams on them. It stops the door from closing fully thus protecting the tiny tots hands.

There were many other amazing products which you can easily browse on www.safetykart.com but the highlight of the evening was ResQMe Car Rescue Tool’s video which shivered us when we witnessed a real case of father trying to save his toddler. He could only do it with this special safety product.

I believe like me you must be alos worrying about the safety all the time, specially if you are a woman. Please go ahead and arm yourself with all the necessary products. Stay safe :)
Suleka and Kriti hope you will keep organizing such great event and keep enlightening us. Wishing you all the very best for your future endeavors.

Mani :)

 

YOU RAPE A WOMAN EVERYDAY~

Yes, I remember it was last in July, a month before Independence Day when the shameful crime of Guwhati molestation took place in India, I don’t need to repeat the story for there are endless stories rather cases exposing gruesome death of humanity rather bare shamelessness laughing at our helplessness. Helplessness? O! yes in some way when I or we women feel to be safe rather than enjoying our freedom (equal freedom fought equally by women too in British era), at least I often prefer to be at home. Yes I do...just because I want to be safe...I everyday kill my freedom in various forms with my own hands & I know when I will become a mother one day...I will be more insecure & will be killing my daughter’s freedom & if I have a son I will make sure he grows up and becomes an example.

I decided to be on sabbatical from writing on blogs...but I never knew I will again return with the same topic deadlier than before one day. I am sorry I couldn’t help because from last 13 days it has captured my mind no matter whether I eat, sleep, write, work, it just doesn’t leave my mind...it just doesn’t...& today when she died...I was speechless, tears were shed, because today humanity bled to death.

Not a rape, not an assault, not a crime, not a death,

today humanity was tarnished & dead
I don’t know religion & the cycle of karmas
All I know since days my core is perturbed
The pain of her squeals
when her soul cried
Save me! mother, I wish to be alive
With amazing potency every moment
The bravo challenged death& gave a fight
Even God couldn’t witness her anguish
summoned her to heavenly abode
so that in the halo of his arms
she can peacefully rest...hope she rests...wish she rests...
& so the million others who left...just pray...all you can today...

I sat to write because no more with emotions I could fight...the anguish wasn’t over girl’s death...akin to her we have plenty whose souls are scarred & perturbed. My soul is of a woman and everyday I feel somewhere she is raped in some or other form...it disturbs. But with lot of dignity & pride like millions others everyday I too fight...I will fight...akin to their cowardness, bravery is my birthright.

You rape a woman everyday

when her clothes are shorter than your vision

when you ask, will you sleep with me?

for your next promotion

If she says yes, she is a slut
If no, Oh! what the fuck, you have next
when your dirty desires, scans her attires
when your filthy mind plays dirty games & you say
relax O! just healthy flirting my way
when your cheap tongue, abuses her femininity
when you rotten finger, points at her chastity
when she choose to make love, her equal right
you think sleeping with her is now your birthright
when you expoit her emotions for your cheap fulfilments
if she gets emotional she is a fool & if she doesn’t
you question her integrity& gracefulness
just because you are a man & she is a woman?
No...because your mind is rotten & weak your essence
Yes! you rape a woman...
you rape her everyday
with your cheap thinking & ways...
 

If my words make any sense, shake your mind, & somewhere you too question about your existence, then I plead you to just do something for her, minimum you can do is RESPECT her for woman is the reason of your existence. When you abuse her you abuse yourself. If you keep disrespecting her & her emotions her curses will haunt you even in hell.

BEING A WOMAN & V PROUD BEING A WOMAN...

Mani...

 

YES I LIVE IN FEAR~ AN OPEN LETTER TO PM Dr. ManMohan Singh

To,
Dr. ManMohan Singh
Prime Minister of India
Dear Sir,

I am an ordinary citizen of our extraordinary country. Though I don’t regard myself as ordinary but the sick and sloppy policies of your country and the indifferent attitude of your government has made me felt so now and then. I am a “GIRL”. I get worshipped in different forms of deity one moment and the very next I get molested. So I continue living in a state of confusion. My country is very well known across the globe for its glorious history and beautiful culture. It is known as the abode of magnificent wisdom. I often take pride in that when I meet people from different cultures as a result of my profession and writing. I connect across bloggers from different parts of the world and I feel pride when I find they are highly influenced by the glorious hospitality and culture of INDIA.

But I feel ashamed to mention that in this country with glorious past, I see dark present and a darker future for females across India. Today after a lot of contemplation and fight within I agree with me that despite a loving and caring family and associates around, “I LIVE IN FEAR”. I have been living with this fear since long and with each passing day it is just increasing. It often at times overpowers and I cancel my trips for many occasions just for a simple reason that I feel unsafe and my father or my associates cannot accompany me at each and every trip.

I am an educated independent girl who is immensely proud of her upbringing and is extremely confident to do anything on earth in her capacity but I do restrict myself at times. I am bold but I know the law and system is so pathetic that for any extra bold step I and my family will have to pay for it the very next moment. I am quite sure about this not because I consider myself as feeble but because I have seen the cases on television many times in my city and across India.

Like me I am sure each and every girl of INDIA must have been molested somewhere or else by someone sometime and they all live in fear. Leave alone the parties, I do not plan any late evening trips for any bloggers meet or events for which I yearn to go just because I may reach while it is daylight but as the evening approaches I fear for my safety. Leave alone the public transport; I am not sure about my safety while I am using my own means of transport. I prefer to stay indoors. Due to this fear you curb my independence and restrict my capabilities to flourish as a person personally and professionally. I am talking about late evening but to tell you I feel the similar fear in the morning as well.

Look at the appalling joke at the recent molestation of a minor girl in Guwhati, she being molested by 20 bloody demons in the middle of road. We the citizens of India can be so fast in circulating the news across the world but your government and the well trained police officers can’t even find unprofessional demons. Can we expect them to find the professional ones any day? The biggest joke throughout this incident was that a journalist was involved making a video at the time of molestation, a journalist comes to her rescue, and then another journalist asks her on national television- “HOW ARE YOU FEELING”? Disgusting. Is it sir? Why don’t you get a female from your family get molested in the middle of road in full view of public and then you yes you go and ask her “HOW THE HELL IS SHE FEELING”? If you still do not get any answer then the human in you is already dead sir and no matter how many letters we write you we will continue to live in fear.

Let me tell you about me which is I am sure is the story of many girls in India and to tell you they go through this on a daily basis. I started jogging early morning but when I noticed few hooligans keeping an eye on me, I left going to that park for jogging for it takes seconds for a speeding car to come towards me and drag me inside in full view of public in the broad day light. There were live cases in my city and across India. I am happy at home. I go to jog I am in fear. I take an auto in the morning to catch my office cab I am in fear because this country is now so unsafe that you never know that what will happen with a girl next moment. I walk on road in the extreme corner and stay alert all the time and I make sure I return back my home before 8PM no not because I don’t like to go out with friends sometime and have party, I don’t wish to attend events starting at evening, no not because I have incomplete tasks and I cannot stay out more time to complete them etc etc. I return back just because “I FEAR”. I fear for my safety in an independent country.

I wake up and start with fear and look at the mockery at our democracy that when I sleep I am still in fear and at times I have end up sleepless nights. I am tired from a hectic day and wish to sleep but I can’t.  You know why? Yesterday only few hooligans on bike threw a stone on the window of our house at 3AM early morning uttering some utter nonsense. After completing some pending tasks I had already caught up sleep at 1 AM which was again ruined by this incident. Result? A sleepless night in fear thinking about all sorts of permutations and combinations who they could be? Why they did so? They could have broken the glass pane of my father’s car too costing us more. We are ordinary middle class citizens of your country with limited income and this unwanted cost really pains in the midst of already burning economy. My sister couldn’t sleep whole night and should I tell you how my parents were feeling? So sir, I even sleep in fear. I believe you too have females in family. Just leave them once without any protection and you will have the real taste of your country which you are heading sir.

I always keep the curtains of my room covered if I keep the wooden door open but make sure I keep the other door bolted. I do that even when there is no electricity (thank you for the appalling condition of electricity in my city and rather our country so let me be tight-lipped and not reveal the shameful secrets here). I do that because I don’t feel secure it is as simple as that. I keep the windows and doors forever covered because once when I had not covered them and was engrossed reading a book after sometime I noticed someone peeping inside. As he saw me alert, within split seconds he ran away on his bike.

I can’t wear trendy attires if I am taking a public transport, I fear in normal ones. The ogling eyes do not leave the burka-clad women; leave alone me. It provokes the already sick provoked bastards roaming freely day and night on road making mockery of the so called “DEMOCRACY” .So now I understand why my father is not much happy with me wearing sexy and trendy attires. No not because he doesn’t like or is having low mentality, it is just that even he lives in fear. Because in our county no matter it is a custom that a girl will be blamed for everything. Why was she out? Why was she wearing trendy outfits? And to tell you I wear normal attires completely covering myself and still they get provoked so who is to be blamed?

She continuously lives in the vicious cycle of WHY and FEAR and so does her whole family till she gets married off and after that her husband and her in-laws also join the “FEAR FAMILY”. Thanks a lot to you, your third class policies, no strict action against any assault against women every now and then, and your failure as a prime minister in every way.

Yes I have forgotten to talk politely with strangers and when I am travelling and specially while using public transport.  It doesn’t work you see. They understand tough language. So I a girl usually soft spoken and dignified am quite rough n tough while I am out for the sake of my own safety. You know why sir? You hire such bastards for the servicing of public. (Sorry to use abusive language. Are you feeling the rage while I am using this language? Well , if yes then you can understand the rage in me). I have started hating my country.

And I am laughing a laugh of dire agony while I mention that your party leader is a woman herself and till now we see no action and statement from her for any strict action. Brilliant! For you politicians- “Ye Sab To Chalta Rehta Hai” (This keeps on going...Big deal?). Right? We anyhow do not expect anything from her. We are bearing a lifetime mistake of Late Rajeev Gandhi. She is not an Indian native but has she forgotten she is a WOMAN?

Leave her look at our PRESIDENT a lady herself sleeping. God only knows what she does. I a young girl am ashamed of her, her esteemed designation, and her being a woman herself. Are you thinking that I am expecting too much from her? Aww!!! I shouldn’t? What do you think?

Dear Sir, you cannot provide us anything except low income, low paying jobs, ever pathetic economy with soaring prices burning hole in the pocket of middle class India and Indians. But leave all that can you provide me a simple life free from FEAR. Because I agree, “YES I LIVE IN FEAR” and I am sure so does the other women in India.

So are you waiting for more anguish from the nation or more letters? Then only it will prove worthy on your behalf to take actions or just in case if you speak up something. You are not a leader sir, you are joker and your government is a joke for our democracy. While playing your dreadful political games you are playing with our lives and our curses will haunt you for generations. Yes we are that humiliated and burnt inside.

My list to why I live in fear in an independent country is endless.

If you really have some dignity left in you then sir please, make some strict policies. You have plenty of time to lootify the middle class Indians further by escalating prices of some or the other commodity someday before that can you give us your anger because we are really very angry. We do not need your committees, commissions, investigations, and nonsense. WE NEED NO MERCY AGAINST ANY ACT OF MOLESTATION. TODAY AND NOW WE NEED ACTION.

It’s time for tit for tat. NONSENSE WILL BE AWARDED DOUBLE NONSENSE.

I leave this letter open for you to answer that what the females of your nations should do? Where should they go at the time of need? Who will provide us the guarantee of justice?

JAI HIND!

Yours sincerely,
An ordinary middle class Indian girl!

YES I LIVE IN FEAR~

Yes I live in fear

with every passing day
It’s approaching near      
I fear
While I am awake
In sleep
Sometimes I am awake
In the middle of night
I couldn’t sleep
Contemplating
Where to go ?
What to do ?
A girl with high dignity
Due to this fear
Often at times
Quite low I feel
I fear
When I am out
While I stay in
I walk
I talk
Alone
In crowd
Fearing
What next moment
Will bring in?
Fearing someone spying
When I turn back
No one is in sight
Yes I live in fear
With every passing day
It’s approaching near
I am bold
I can stand up
I can give it a fight
Often I do
But what when
Twenty demons
Catch me in middle
Of the road
From east west
North n south
Right and left
I am not a superwoman
“I AM A GIRL”
 I continue
To live in fear...
With every passing day
It’s approaching near!!!